Wanted: Grammar teacher

People are always trying to figure out what's wrong with America's schools today. I think I may have found the answer in this ad.

If I had a bug like that I would make a coat out of him.

This is my new FAVORITE. THING. EVER.

I took the video out because it was messing with my page loading. If you want to see it, it's on Jib Jab.

I rock. :D

I Scored a 100%!

Have a baby one more time???

Dear God, why have you not yet struck her sterile? Seriously. There are lots of very nice people who are incapable of getting pregnant. Use your almighty powers to take the baby out of her and put it in them. Kthanxbai!

PS- What is wrong with the world when I look waaaay better than Britney Spears?
PPS- 2 posts in one day? Yes, I am awesome, and I just had to spread the word on Brit-Brit.

It's Raining . . . MexMarts?

Zach has been off of work since Sunday (I know, poor him) and he has the tendency to get a little cabin fever when he doesn't have anything to do. Yesterday when I got home from work I found him sitting in the exact same position that I had left him in with a glazed look on his face. I know he moved because he said he walked and fed the dog and the clothes I had put in the dryer before leaving for work were folded neatly and hung in all the right places strewn all over the bed. After rectifying the laundry situation, we decided to head to Trudy's for some dinner.

As soon as we got there, it started raining so Zach dropped me off to get a table and parked the car. We were seated pretty soon and were put in the booth right next to the kitchen (on the left side of you're facing the bar where you have to go up the stairs, for those of you who have been there). Our waited introduces himself as Thor (name changed to protect the very, very guilty) and proceeds to take our drink order. Since it was Top Shelf Tuesday I had a Mexican Martini and Zach had a Margarita (he almost ordered super premium tequila, but opted to save the dollar- this will be important in a second).

After a few minutes, Thor comes out of the kitchen, which is right behind my left shoulder with the tray bearing our drinks, salsas, chips and queso. I'm not exactly sure what happened next, but I either heard or saw something that caused me to close my eyes and put my hands in front of my face. And it was just in time, because right then, Thor lost his grip on the tray and everything- drinks, salsa, shaker, chips and glasses fell all over our table as well as Zach and I, the seats, our coats and the window shades.

Around this time I determine it is safe enough to open my eyes and see that I am drenched in Mexican Martini (made with top shelf tequila- sniff) there is salsa on both our coats as well as the booth and salsa has been plastered across the shade. Thor is pretty much speechless but still trying to talk, like this:

"Oh my God guys, I am so sorry. I don't know what happened. Uhhhhh, let me get my manager."

And then he left. Another girl came and gave us napkins and when the manager showed up, he brought us actual towels to dry off with. Now, if anyone is thinking "I would have left right away", I beg to differ. You see, I had Mexican Martini all over my lap. Everyone at Trudy's knew why. At another restaurant, it would have been- Hey look at that girl who peed her pants.

In addition to towels, the managed offered us a comped first round and to pay to get our coats dry cleaned. Right about the time he left, another waitress tried to walk into the kitchen and ended up dropping part of her tray on the floor.

I was beginning to think that Thor wasn't coming back, but he did and took our order, profusely apologizing the whole time. We get our food (brought out by someone else- ha!) and I think that the danger is over. Well, then Zach finishes his margarita and orders a Mexican Martini. Thor puts his old glass on the tray and as he is walking into the kitchen, his tray is too far out and it runs into the doorway and flies out of his hands into the middle of the aisle. It was really hard not to snicker. I mean, I had finished half a Mexmart by this time and it was a lot funnier to see the waiter drop stuff when it didn't land on me.

The night ended without any more incident and as we got in the car my only thought was "I hope we don't get pulled over" because we both reeked of tequila.

Clicky linky. Laughy lotty.

Some non-PC (but hilarious) links for your clicking pleasure. :)

http://www.menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

The second one is my personal fave. Enjoy!!

Go to dictionary.com

Because my husband and I are currently sitting in our PJs (and for him- that means underwear), watching ESPN and drinking Andre champagne ($3 a bottle, baby) out of chilled Miller Lite beer mugs. Just look up "white trash" because I'm certain you'll find our picture there.